Two Words
by Gmariam
Summary: Jack faces some hard realizations about himself and his team in the aftermath of their experience with the space whale. Post-Meat.
1. Part One

Part One

 _It is with our passions, as it is with fire and water, they are good servants but bad masters._

 _~Aesop_

Jack ran a hand through his hair and blew out a long, frustrated breath. It had been a difficult day, full of conflict and death. Not unusual for Torchwood, but he felt far more drained than he usually did at the end of a bad day. He also felt very much alone, and really wanted a scotch.

Was it the creature they'd been forced to kill, stranded on earth, tortured, and in pain? Was it the bastards who'd been using it to make money, carving up a living creature to sell for profit? Was it Gwen, doubting and questioning him over and over since he'd returned?

It was everything, though something bothered him that he couldn't put his finger on. Or maybe he was avoiding it, refusing to name it.

He stretched his neck and tried to put the terrible images from the warehouse out of his mind: the creature in chains, crying in agony; Gwen, holding her bleeding fiancé; Ianto, captured and fighting to escape. It was over, they'd done their job and stopped the alien meat operation. He might feel awful about, but they'd caught the bad guys and he hadn't lost anyone, and in the end, that was what mattered for the people of Cardiff. He hung his head and sighed, still unsatisfied, which was how Owen found him, walking in unannounced.

"At least you turned off the bloody CCTV," he said, standing in front of Jack's desk without invitation. "Does that mean you're done brooding for now?"

"I wasn't brooding," Jack replied, sitting up straighter and instantly annoyed. "What do you want?"

"Oh, brooding and impatient," Owen said. "Even better. Look, we're all beating ourselves up over this, but it's over. We did what we had to do."

Jack gave him an irritated look. "And that's what you came in here to say?"

"No, I thought you might want to see something. The one interesting spot in an otherwise shit day."

"I'll pass," Jack said, standing up to leave. He wasn't sure why, but he had a sudden need to find Ianto. To see the Welshman, to talk to him. Maybe that was what was bothering him. Ianto had been distant all day, particularly since they had returned. He could be injured, or like Jack, upset about what had happened at the warehouse. Jack had to find him, to make sure Ianto was all right.

"Seriously, you should see this. Tosh sent up the CCTV footage from the warehouse before she wiped it out."

"They had cameras in there? With an alien?"

Owen rolled his eyes. "Even dumber than we thought, this lot. Pull it up. You'll see."

Jack started to protest, but Owen shook his head and motioned toward Jack's computer. "Trust me, Jack. It's worth watching."

Confused and annoyed, Jack turned back to his computer and pulled up the video files Tosh had sent him. He watched as Ianto took down one of the men from the warehouse, before he was caught and tied up with Rhys Williams. The scene shifted to the room housing the space whale, where Ianto fought with the leader after getting out of his ropes. Jack cringed as Dale fired directly at Ianto. He saw himself shout at Ianto to go after them. The scene shifted again.

Ianto took out the doctor. He kicked in a door and stunned another man. And then he slammed the weapon from the leader's hand and placed his stun gun at the man's forehead. CCTV didn't tell him what Ianto said, but it was clearly very serious. Dale looked terrified before he fell to the ground, and Ianto turned and left. He tracked down the last man standing before he could escape and stunned him as well.

Jack watched, Owen still standing behind him, as Ianto began to truss up the men on his own. He then started cleaning up the office, gathering papers and files, even a computer, as evidence. He didn't stop once, working with an almost frantic energy that bordered on furious. Jack wondered what Ianto was so upset about: the space whale, being captured, or the mess?

The footage ended. Owen stepped back and sat down next to Jack's desk, nodding approvingly. "Teaboy kicked arse in there, Jack."

"Yes, he did," Jack said. He wasn't surprised, and yet he was. It was impressive by anyone's standards, taking out so many men on his own, and with nothing but a stun gun. It reminded him once again how strong Ianto was, how good his team could be. Where was Owen going with this?

"And yet no one's seen him since Gwen stormed off in a strop." He paused. "Nice work there, by the way." He clearly didn't mean it.

"Not my best moment, no," Jack admitted. "She has a point, like she usually does, but she also has a way of expressing it that tends toward…"

"Overdramatic bordering on disrespectful and insubordinate?" Owen suggested. "Rules are rules, Jack. Gwen shouldn't get to break them just because she can throw the biggest tantrum."

"We can't afford to lose her," Jack said. It was a poor response, though, because Owen was right and it rankled.

"Sure we can," Owen snapped. He pointed at the computer. "Ianto in full blown warrior mode is worth two of her any day."

"Warrior mode?" Jack tried not to smile; Ianto would hate the term.

"You know what I mean. He's usually so reserved, but when he lets go, he can take down three guys in a row and clean it up afterward." Owen shook his head as if amazed. Jack wasn't sure why, when Ianto had demonstrated more than once how much he was capable of. And yet more often than not they still viewed him as their administrator.

"Like you said, he's normally more reserved," Jack said. "That's why we have Gwen, who never holds back."

"That's not a good thing, Jack," Owen pointed out. "She can't be allowed to dictate the rules around here."

"I know," Jack agreed. "She can't."

"Oh, so you're actually going to do something about her disobeying orders in the warehouse? For refusing to follow protocol and Retcon Rhys?" Owen shook his head again. "Of course not. You'll give her a few days off to let her recover from the trauma of her boyfriend getting shot so she can come back and do it all again."

"I'll talk to her, Owen," Jack ground out. He hadn't thought about it that way until that moment, but Owen was right. Gwen had pushed the limits on this case, both personally and professionally. She needed to be reined in before she did something that hurt them all. The problem was, Jack wasn't sure how to do that with Gwen Cooper.

"I hope so," Owen replied. "We need to know that we can count on her to have our backs, not threaten to quit every time we don't do what she wants. Otherwise I want Ianto in the field with me, stunning people in the forehead."

"I get it!" Jack exclaimed. "She messed up, Owen. And there's a good chance she gets it, too. Rhys was shot, you know."

"He was shot because you brought him in on the case," Owen replied. "What I can't figure out is whether you did it to piss her off, or because you actually thought he could help us."

"I thought he could help us," Jack said, though he now questioned his motives. Had he agreed to work with Rhys because he genuinely believed in the man, or for other reasons, ones he'd rather not think about? "And he did. Besides, you saw him when he got here. He practically goaded me into it."

Owen snorted. "You keep telling yourself that, Jack. He wasn't the one who got into a pissing contest with a civilian." He leaned back, crossed his feet at the ankles. "So, you shagging Ianto again?"

"Excuse me?" Jack asked, stunned at the abrupt turn in the conversation. "Again?"

"Come on, we all know you were at it before you ran off. Did he take you back then?"

"Take me back?" Jack shook his head to dismiss the conversation.

"He was looking pretty smug when we were talking about dating earlier. So it's either you or some random lay at his local."

"It's none of your business."

"No, but your shagging partner almost got shot today."

"But he didn't," Jack said.

"That bloke pointed his gun right at Ianto and pulled the trigger twice, Jack. I would have shit my pants."

"Yeah, well," Jack started, but stopped, not sure how to respond. "What's your point?"

Owen stood up. "You're down here moping—yes, moping—over Gwen while Ianto's up in the tourist office practically punching a hole in the computer writing it up. Something's wrong with that picture." He started to leave the office. "Oh, and Tosh and I are leaving for the day. I'll finish my report tomorrow."

Jack waved him away as he dropped his head again and rubbed at his neck. How had he managed to surround himself with so many people who didn't hold back? First Gwen, now Owen. He wondered if Tosh had anything else to add.

Owen was right, though, and now that Jack had seen the footage, he couldn't keep ignoring it. Ianto had almost been shot. Jack had been avoiding the keening space whale and hadn't seen the entire fight with Dale. He'd heard the shots, of course, but when he'd seen Ianto on the ground, he'd assumed Ianto was uninjured and hadn't even asked if he was all right. For all Jack knew, he could have sent Ianto after those men with a bullet in his shoulder. He was ashamed, that he hadn't asked, and that Owen had to point it out to him, when Jack was the one sleeping with Ianto.

Pulling up the cameras in the Hub, Jack found Ianto still in the tourist office. He was typing at the computer, his face tight, his fingers hitting the keys hard, his lips occasionally moving as he either read his words out loud or simply muttered to himself. He was still in his shirt sleeves and waistcoat, with an empty glass on the counter next to him. No wonder he'd needed a drink when they'd got back; he'd had a close call, and then gone on to subdue the rest of the crew and clean it up without a single complaint—or a single word from Jack. He needed to apologize, to tell Ianto he'd done well, and to make sure Ianto was all right after almost getting shot.

Jack waited until Tosh and Owen had left and made his way upstairs to the tourist office. Ianto was no longer at his computer, and Jack worried that Ianto had left in the few minutes it had taken him to come upstairs. He glanced around and called out. "Ianto?"

After a moment, the other man appeared from behind the beaded curtain that lead to the backroom. He was wearing his suit coat again, with his Burberry thrown over his arm. When he saw Jack, his entire body tensed.

"Yes, sir?" he asked, then walked over to the printer nearby and took several sheets from the tray. He read through them, inserted them into a file folder, then glanced up at Jack. "Can I help you?"

Jack was thrown off by the other man's impersonal attitude. Ianto was clearly upset about something, and Jack had the instinctive feeling that it was him. "I don't know, maybe…are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Ianto replied. "I've completed my report, but if you don't mind, I'd prefer to go over it tomorrow. If you'd like to read it before then." He handed Jack the folder, then began to pull his overcoat on.

"I'll read it with the others, but I still have one question."

"Yes, sir?" Ianto was avoiding his eyes, holding himself at a distance. Jack didn't like it. He'd already been given an earful by Gwen and then Owen, and didn't appreciate the cold shoulder from Ianto. Still, Ianto had been through a lot in the warehouse and handled himself incredibly well. Jack owed it to Ianto to try and understand what was bothering the Welshman, to help him if he could, especially when he had failed to check on him until then. He crossed his arms and took a deep breath, resisting the impulse to walk away from the tension he felt growing between them, but didn't understand.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "I know something's bothering you, you're not even looking at me."

"I told you I'm fine," Ianto replied.

"Are you injured?"

"No."

"You almost got shot back at that warehouse."

"But I didn't," Ianto replied. Jack had to hold back a smile, since he'd said the exact same thing to Owen earlier. Sometimes he and Ianto were too similar, refusing to acknowledge the things that bothered them, like almost dying.

"It was a close call," Jack said, trying to soften his voice. A part of him wanted to shake it out of Ianto, but Ianto would only shut down even more.

"There were no more bullets," Ianto returned with a shrug.

"Did you know that at the time?" Ianto didn't respond. "It's hard, going through that. It was a difficult day all around."

"I'm fine," Ianto ground out. "I got captured, not killed. If you don't have any more needless questions, I'd like to go home."

He started to walk away, but Jack reached out for his elbow. Ianto shook him off hard, the look on his face venomous for a split second before his usual mask slipped back into place.

"What the hell is wrong?" Jack exclaimed. "I want to help!"

"And I want to leave," Ianto snapped.

"Not until you tell me what's going on. This isn't like you." He knew he'd said the wrong thing when Ianto gave him an utterly disdainful look.

"Then I guess I'm not the only one acting out of character," he said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jack had no idea what was going on, why Ianto was so upset, and why he seemed to be directing it at Jack. Well, he could think of a few things, but Ianto didn't tend to lash out at Jack when he had professional issues, he spoke to Jack calmly. It was something that Jack appreciated tremendously, Ianto's composed questions as opposed to Gwen's insistent demands for answers.

Ianto was glaring at him, and Jack could tell from the set of Ianto's face that it wasn't just professional this time, it was personal as well. Ianto was usually very guarded, preferring to keep his thoughts and feelings to himself, but Jack knew that Ianto felt things deeply, from love and grief to pain and anger. At that moment, Ianto Jones was pissed off, and Jack reacted exactly as he knew he shouldn't: frustrated and defensive.

"So what did I do?" he asked, his tone more challenging than understanding. "Since I assume I'm the one acting out of character. What did I do?"

It was a clear measure of Ianto's anger and reluctance to express it that he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he replied. "I'm going home. I'd rather talk about it in the morning, if at all."

He turned to leave, and this time Jack moved in front of him to stop him. Ianto responded with a raised eyebrow, which was better than a fist in the face, but still cut deep. "Don't be childish, Jack."

"Then don't be mulish."

Jack knew he should back off, but he couldn't. He was already irritated with Gwen and Owen, and he needed to know what he had done wrong with Ianto. He didn't like this cold Ianto, directing his anger at Jack but refusing to voice it. He needed Ianto's support, not silent condemnation. He'd come to rely on it before he left, and it was one thing that had got him through a difficult return.

Ianto narrowed his eyes and stepped closer, lowering his voice and speaking slowly. "I'm leaving," he said. "I will see you tomorrow."

"No, we work it out now," Jack said. "Now or never."

"Don't threaten me," Ianto replied, his voice condescending. "We both know it means nothing."

"Then talk to me!" Jack exploded. "This is ridiculous!"

There was a pointed silence. "You won't like it."

"I can take it."

Ianto shook his head. "Don't fire me, then."

Jack planted his feet and offered a crooked grin. "I didn't fire you when you punched me in the face, when you pushed me through a space-time portal, or when you opened the rift to turn back time. Tell me what's wrong."

Ianto looked away as Jack recited his list of past transgressions, his jaw so tight it might crack. When he turned back, his eyes were blazing. "You, Jack. Everything you did today was wrong. It's a wonder the day didn't end worse than it did."

"Hey," Jack said, his shields up once more. He knew he'd messed up, but had it been so bad that Ianto, who usually supported him after a difficult day, was furious about it? "I think we made out pretty well, all things considered."

"All things considered?" Ianto looked amazed. "Jack, we didn't save the alien. Those men got off easy and don't even remember what they did. Rhys was shot, and Gwen…" He shook his head. "Gwen gets the night off for mucking it all up."

Jack wasn't sure how all of it was his fault, aside from the issue with Gwen that Owen had already pointed out to him. Maybe Ianto felt overwhelmed, like Jack did. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry we couldn't do more, about all of it. And Owen has already pointed out how much I screwed up with Gwen, I promise I'll—"

"You'll what?" Ianto ask. "You'll talk to her? And tell her what? You're sorry for constantly enabling her disrespect and defiance?"

"I don't enable her," Jack protested, hurt by the accusation even as he recognized a small truth to it. "And I certainly don't control her—"

"Exactly," Ianto interrupted again. "You don't control her. Because you're too busy appeasing her, encouraging her— _enabling_ her. Jack." He took a deep breath. "Everything that happened today with Gwen, from the very beginning of this whole mess—it's on you."

Jack bristled and stepped back, needing to put distance between him and Ianto before he lashed out physically. He sensed this was what Ianto meant when he'd said Jack wouldn't like what he had to say.

"I'm not responsible for her choices," he said, but Ianto shook his head.

"You are, though. You're our leader, her leader. You've let her have her way so many times that now she expects it. She thinks she's always right because you've let her think she's always right!" Ianto paced in a small circle before facing Jack again. "She shouldn't have been in the situation she was in today, Jack. You put her in that situation, by bringing Rhys Williams in on the case."

"He got himself involved," Jack said. "And Gwen brought him in the rest of the way."

"Because you let her!" Ianto exclaimed. "Jack, he's a civilian. He's a civilian engaged to an active Torchwood agent. He never should have been involved in this case. Bringing him in put us all in danger—and him most of all."

"We needed his help." Jack knew his defense was growing weaker and weaker. Owen had said something similar, but Ianto was brutally laying out the truth of it. "He had a way into the warehouse."

"He was untrained and inexperienced. Gwen had every reason to be pissed off about him getting involved, every right to be terrified. But instead of stopping it, instead of helping her, you let him in, Jack—why?" When Jack didn't answer, Ianto shook his head. "That's what I can't figure out. Why, Jack? Why do that to him, to Gwen, to us? Was it some kind of warped jealously? Some way to get back at Gwen after she told him about us?"

"He had information," Jack ground out, but he was shamefully aware that Ianto might be right: Rhys Williams was a civilian. He should not have been involved. It was Gwen who had brought him in, but it was Jack who had used the unsuspecting man after Rhys had stood up to him, right in front of the entire team. That confrontation still rankled, and Jack was forced to admit his response had been disappointing, to say the least. Had he really been trying to hurt Gwen for revealing their secret? "He was an asset."

"He's Gwen's fiancé!" Ianto snapped. "And I know you care about her, so don't try to beg off with any excuses. You didn't like her telling him, because now you have to share her. So you used her fiancé against her. It was unnecessary and uncalled for, Jack. It was the wrong decision."

Jack gaped at him, speechless because it was the truth, cold and hard and ugly. "You're right," he said. "I don't like what you have to say."

"Then fire me now," Ianto said. "Because I'm not done. You brought him in and then let her stay on the case. She should have stood down, coordinated from the Hub or something. But she insisted on going in and you let her. Then she gave up her cover when they threatened him."

"Of course she did," Jack said. "Can you blame her?"

"No, except she put the mission at risk and the rest of the team in danger," Ianto said. He pointed a finger at Jack. "And then you—you did the same damn thing, Jack! What were you thinking?"

If Jack had been speechless moments earlier, now he was struck dumb for several seconds. Never in a thousand years would he have thought Ianto might call him out for the same thing as Gwen. And yet, hadn't he done the exact same thing? He'd shook his head at Gwen, been furious when she'd stepped out anyway and set down her gun after those thugs had threatened Rhys. But of course she did, she loved him. He was in danger and she'd do anything to protect him.

And then they'd grabbed Ianto and shoved a gun under his chin, and Jack had stepped out with his weapon raised. Jack had done the same thing.

Why?

He didn't reply, not sure if Ianto was actually looking for an answer or throwing more accusations at him. He didn't know what to say anyway. He was beginning to sense an uncomfortable truth developing deep within him.

"Jack?" Ianto asked, sounding even more annoyed. "If you have nothing to say, I'm going home." He turned to leave, but Jack stopped him, this time with a gentle hand on his arm, and softer words.

"I wasn't thinking," he said. "You were in danger. I had to step out."

"You lost control of the situation the moment you did," Ianto said. "Gwen was trying to let them feel like they were in control, but you jumped in and tried to take it back. You pissed them off by talking about aliens and rifts in time, which made the situation worse and got Rhys shot."

Ianto was right. Rhys had been shot because _Jack_ had ignored all protocol, all training, all logical thinking and simply reacted. Just like he had when Gwen had brought Rhys into the Hub. Just like he had when Gwen had refused to Retcon Rhys. Just like he usually did, only this time he'd been wrong.

"I'm sorry," he said, hands held helplessly before him. "You're right. All if it—you're exactly right."

"Don't apologize to me," Ianto said. "Apologize to Gwen, to Rhys. They're the ones who almost lost each other."

"They're not the only ones," Jack pointed out without thinking. That was the something niggling at him, the thing that bothered him that he hadn't been able to name. Now he could. Rhys had been shot, but Ianto had been captured as well, and had come damn close to being killed in that warehouse. Why had it taken Jack so long to realize it? Ianto delivered a cutting eye roll in response.

"Please, Jack. Don't flatter me. You stepped out because you were distracted by Gwen and didn't think I could handle it."

Jack shook his head, wondering how he could convince the Welshman otherwise. "No, you're wrong. I know you can handle yourself."

"Then you should have let me!"

"Our cover was blown."

"And I was fine," Ianto snapped.

"You had a gun pressed to your head!" Jack exclaimed. "You're not immortal, Ianto. He could have killed you."

"Maybe with you blundering in," Ianto replied. "Gwen was talking him down while I was trying to escape. We've been trained to respond in those kinds of situations and you should have let me respond."

"You can't respond with a bullet in your brain," Jack hissed, moving closer. "I'm sorry if gave up my position to save you, but I didn't want you to die."

Ianto did a turn, tugging at his hair in frustration. "You don't get it! When you stepped out, you not only ruined Gwen's chances at resolving the situation peacefully, you made the entire situation worse. You put me in _more_ danger, Jack. You."

While he saw Ianto's point—yes, he may have made Dale even more agitated by running his mouth—he also couldn't believe that Ianto didn't see the truth. Jack had been genuinely frightened for Ianto in that moment. He had stepped out of cover and stumbled into the confrontation without thinking of how he was negatively affecting the situation. It wasn't because he didn't trust Ianto to handle it, but because he'd needed to do something, even if it meant surrender. Jack had only wanted to help, to get Ianto out of danger and convince those men that what they were doing was wrong; he hadn't anticipated their response because he had been too worried about Ianto.

"Fine," he said, withdrawing completely. He hated being wrong, and he didn't like the reasons he'd been wrong even more. Like he usually did, he retreated from the truth. "I'm sorry. Next time you're a hostage, I'll look the other way. I won't try to help."

Ianto stared at him, his mouth literally hanging open. "Fuck off," he finally said, and stormed through the tourist office door, leaving Jack standing alone, knowing he had made a terrible mistake. The problem was, he wasn't sure how to fix it.

* * *

Author's Note:

Ah, where to start! So many thanks to humany-wumany-stuff for letting me run with a Tumblr discussion about the episode 'Meat.' The idea of Jack seeing footage from the warehouse is all theirs! We've had many great discussions about the aftermath of everything that happened in this episode and I have enjoyed them all so much – thank you! And many thanks, as ever and always, to the beautiful summerstar, who also helped me work through Jack and Ianto's issues here and read the piece to reassure me it actually made sense and flowed toward the point I was trying to make. Thank you! That point is in the second part. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy the rest!


	2. Part Two

Part Two 

_The oldest, shortest words - 'yes' and 'no' - are those which require the most thought. ~Pythagoras_

Several hours later Jack came back to the Hub, his mind little more settled than when he had left. He'd wandered the quay for a while, thought about getting a drink, but had settled for his favorite rooftop and some solid, difficult self-reflection. He'd come to some hard realizations, none of which sat quite comfortably with him. Ianto's words had forced him to look at why he treated Gwen differently, and he didn't always like the answers. And he still wasn't sure what to do about it—or more importantly, about Ianto.

To his surprise, he found the Welshman downstairs in the shooting range. He watched for a few minutes until Ianto seemed to sense someone was there and stopped. He turned toward Jack, nodded, then took the last three shots. When he was finished, he brought the target forward to examine; Jack was impressed by Ianto's shooting, given how tense he still appeared. He cleaned his weapon, then removed his goggles and ear protectors. There was a second weapon on the table, and Jack wondered if Ianto had used them both. Maybe he was working out his frustrations. They stood awkwardly for a moment, avoiding one another's gaze.

"I'm sorry," Ianto said. "For what I said earlier."

"Which part?" Jack couldn't help but ask. There had been quite a bit, after all.

"The part where I told you to fuck off," Ianto replied. "I don't normally tell people that, and I apologize."

"At least you didn't hit me," Jack said, going for light but probably failing since Ianto cringed.

"Yes, well…I don't usually shout either, nor do I normally condemn your actions in the field so harshly. I know you make mistakes like the rest of us."

"Hmm." Jack wasn't sure what to say and Ianto started to fidget. He cleared his throat.

"If there's nothing else, I'm going to put these away and head home." He started to leave the range. Jack spoke gently, letting his words stop Ianto instead of reaching out to grab him.

"I thought you went home several hours ago," he pointed out.

"Didn't make it," Ianto replied, turning back. "I needed to see something." He held up the second gun, a Glock 17 that was clearly not Torchwood issue.

Jack took the opportunity to really look at Ianto, and he saw how rattled the other man appeared. His shoulders were tight, his eyes haunted, his fist balled at his side. He left the room before Jack could say anything more.

"What's wrong?" he asked, catching up to Ianto in the corridors and following him upstairs.

"I think we've already had that conversation," Ianto replied. "And I stand by it. You were distracted, you didn't trust me, and it put us in danger."

"I feel like there's more than that," Jack said. "Something more personal."

Ianto whirled on him, index finger inches from his nose. "That's exactly the problem, Jack! Making it personal. You made it personal today, and it almost got us killed."

"You mean, it almost got you killed."

"It almost got Rhys Williams killed," Ianto snapped. "And put Gwen out of a job."

"And you almost got shot at point-blank range," Jack pointed out. He was pushing Ianto hard, yet he couldn't help but suspect the encounter had scared Ianto. Or maybe he was lashing out at Jack because Jack really was an idiot.

"But I didn't," Ianto said, repeating what he'd said earlier. He held out the Glock. "It jammed."

"What?" Jack looked down at the weapon in his hand in surprise. "You said there were no more bullets."

"That's what I assumed. When I came back to look at it a little while ago, I found the internal jam. I'm alive because they couldn't keep their weapons clean."

"Oh." Jack set the gun down and moved closer to Ianto, wanting to reach out but afraid of being pushed away. "I don't know what to say, other than thank god it jammed. I stepped out because I didn't want anything to happen to you."

"It did anyway," Ianto said, but some of the fervor had been lost. "Besides, it was a field operation. You can't treat me differently than you would any of the others."

"Sure I can, I'm the boss," Jack replied with a flippant tone. He wondered if it was true, if he treated Ianto differently, and whether it was because of their relationship or for other reasons. He wondered if it was a bad thing. Either way, it was once again the wrong thing to say.

"No, you can't," Ianto said. "I'm a field agent like the others. I don't want to be treated any differently because I'm the youngest or have the least experience."

Jack crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the nearest desk. While it was true Ianto was the youngest, he'd also been with Torchwood longer than any of the others, and his experiences had run the gamut from saving the world to doing the paperwork about it. "Did it ever occur to you that if that goon had been holding Owen at gunpoint, or Tosh, that I would have done the same thing?"

"No," Ianto answered honestly. "I think you would have let them handle it."

"So why didn't I let you handle it?" Jack asked, curious about how Ianto was interpreting things.

"You were distracted by Gwen the whole day," Ianto replied with a shrug, though his voice bore hints of accusation. "And didn't stop to think whether I could handle it."

"So not because we're sleeping together?"

"Not if you're implying it's anything more than casual recreation," Ianto replied. "You obviously don't think I'm capable. You stepped in to rescue me when I didn't need rescuing. And do you want to know what burns the most?"

"Don't hold back," Jack murmured.

"You let Gwen bring her fiancé into the Hub and onto a case. You trusted _him_ to go undercover, untrained. And yet you didn't give me a chance to do what I had to do when I was compromised. You gave in immediately, without thinking."

Jack could have laughed, that Ianto had it so wrong. The problem was, Jack didn't know how to convince him otherwise, and he was pretty sure Ianto would disagree anyway. So he did the opposite of what he wanted to do, which was argue, and agreed with Ianto instead.

"You're right, I didn't give you enough of a chance," he said. "And you're right about letting Gwen and Rhys in on the case. Though it worked out in the end, it was probably a mistake." Ianto nodded in agreement. "But I didn't give up my position because I didn't believe in you. I know what you can do. I've seen it." He took a deep breath and plunged on. "I stepped out because I didn't want you to get hurt. I don't want to lose you, Ianto. And I mean _you_."

Like he expected, Ianto rolled his eyes. "I told you upstairs, don't flatter me. We may be sleeping together, but that's no reason to rush in trying to rescue me when we both know there are a dozen other shags out there for you."

"Seriously?" Jack asked, surprised at the bitterness in Ianto's voice. Did he truly think so little of himself? Of Jack? "That's what you think? First of all, I didn't rush in to rescue you. One of their guys saw us, our cover was blown. I wasn't about to stand back and let them shoot you to bring us out. So if it helps you to think about it on a less personal level, it would have been a bad decision for the mission, and I would have done the same thing for any of the others. But on a personal level, I was thinking about you. I was scared for _you_. I don't want one of those other shags."

Ianto shook his head. "That's not what this is about, Jack. We work together."

"And we're sleeping together," Jack pointed out. "Dating."

"Really? We've been on one date," Ianto pointed out. "Honestly, I'm not sure what this is anymore. But it shouldn't get in the way."

"Maybe it shouldn't, but it did. I couldn't let you get hurt." Jack took a deep breath. "I meant what I said the night I came back. I came back for you. I care about you."

"You care about a lot of people," Ianto replied. "I know you care about Gwen. You've spent this entire case fussing about her. Why should I believe anything was about me?"

"Because it's not like that with her," Jack insisted. "Yes, I was off, I admit it. I don't like that Rhys Williams found out about us, and you might be right about why. Now she's got someone on the outside."

"Instead of you on the inside," Ianto replied, and while his voice was flat, Jack imagined he could hear the bitterness deep down.

"Yes, but not like you think," Jack said. "I didn't ask her on a date when I came back, I asked you."

"She was engaged."

"Hasn't stopped me before," Jack replied with a grin, hoping to lighten the moment. It was the wrong answer yet again. Ianto looked slightly disappointed, or maybe disgusted.

"Right. Look, I get it. You brought her on after Suzie died and haven't stopped watching her since. You've treated her differently from the day she started. It's not the first time I've wondered why you're not sleeping with her instead of me. But today it got in the way of everything, Jack. It can't keep happening."

"It won't. I'll talk to her."

"You'll try," Ianto agreed. "But it's like she's your Achilles heel, isn't she? Your weak spot. The one person who will always break you down. And I don't want to keep worrying about it all the time."

"What does that mean?" Jack felt a sudden flare of panic, that the conversation was taking a turn in a direction he did not want to follow.

"Personally, I'm not sure there's any point to this." He gestured between them. "Not when we all saw you scowling upstairs after Gwen called about Rhys, when we watched you brood after she bullied you into letting him keep his memories. You admitted how you feel about losing her even after she insulted all of us for not caring about anyone. You know, the others don't have any idea we're…doing whatever we're doing. Tosh thinks we're all sad and single, Owen thinks we're all better off that way, and I'm beginning to think he's right."

Jack, once again, didn't know what to say. It was so completely unexpected that he felt like the floor had gone out from beneath him, and that Ianto was going to end whatever it was between them. Jack didn't want that. Ianto plunged on.

"Professionally, you have to talk to her. I'm sick of the constant small-minded judgement and I don't want to be part of a team that could be compromised by her behavior and your blind acceptance of it. I need to know I can trust her to do the right thing for the team and the mission, not the right thing according to her bleeding heart."

It was very similar to what Owen had said about Gwen in the field, and both men were right. "I think you can trust her," Jack started, yet Ianto interrupted him.

"But I don't, not after today. She manipulated you, Jack, because she knows she can. She wants your attention and she gets it every time, and it's bad for team dynamics."

"How is it any different than my attention to you?"

"Because you don't pay any special attention to me at work," Ianto pointed out. "But you treat her differently, and it affects us all."

Jack wanted to sit down to talk, but he suspected Ianto would reject any such suggestion. Instead, he leaned against the back of a desk and tried not to settle himself in a defensive position as he gathered his thoughts. This was not an easy conversation for him, but he owed it to Ianto to see it through. And he wanted to work it out, so he would, no matter how hard.

"I thought about what you said earlier—about Gwen, about today." Ianto did not respond, so Jack continued.

"You seem to think I want to be with her, that I prefer her, but I don't," he said. "It wouldn't work. I wanted her for Torchwood for the very reasons I could never be with her—it's the things that drive me mad that make her valuable to us."

Ianto looked both confused and annoyed. "All right."

"My point is that I know these things, but I've let it go too far, let her get away with things I should have never let her get away with. Questioning me personally, doubting me professionally. She's hit me, pushed me, yelled at me, and threatened to quit, and I still don't want to lose her."

"She can be a good agent," Ianto said, sounding reluctant, "when she remembers to be a good person first."

"You mean, when she's not being stubborn and willful, seeing only what she wants to see? Because that's Gwen's problem—she sees what she wants to see. And she only wants to see the good. We need that—I need that." Jack paused, but Ianto did not say anything. "I know it's not the best way to see the world, but I think sometimes I treat her differently so that she doesn't see what the rest of us see. So that she keeps seeing what she wants to—the good, the positive, the hope. I've lost sight of that, and I don't want her to either."

"Makes sense," Ianto replied slowly. "But that doesn't make it right, not when it affects the rest of us."

"No, it's not. It has to stop. Ever since I came back, she's been pushing hard, like she's punishing me. I think she blamed me for losing Rhys, before Abaddon reset time. Then she was angry at me for leaving. And you know what? She's right. I didn't know what to do when time splintered, and then I left, and she has every reason to be pissed off at me. So I didn't try to stop her."

"And that's how we ended up at today?" Ianto sounded skeptical, and Jack couldn't blame him: it was a lot to take in, especially coming from Jack. When had they ever talked this much?

"I didn't want to tell her no," Jack said. Because that was at the root of it all: he didn't want to say no and break Gwen's spirit with the truth one day.

"Someday you _will_ have to, Jack," Ianto said. "In order to keep this team together and alive, you will have to tell her no."

"I know," Jack said. He'd thought about this, he had. "And I'm going to change. If she wants Rhys to keep his memories, then I'm not going to sugarcoat things for either one of them. I'll talk to her, start small, and it will change. Owen said something very similar, and I don't want this team to fall apart because of me."

"Because of Gwen," Ianto pointed out.

"Because I'm the leader and I'm not leading," Jack said. He took a deep breath and plunged on into even more frightening territory. "So where does that leave us?"

Ianto looked up in surprise, his face puzzled. "What do you mean? Personally, or professionally?"

"Professionally, I believe in you one hundred percent," Jack said, hoping Ianto heard and felt the sincerity in his words. "You were amazing today. You took out those men all on your own! You got out of your ropes, fought for the gun, and kept going after it jammed until they were all contained." Jack smiled. "The CCTV looks like something from James Bond, only cleaner and more organized."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "I was doing my job."

"And there is no doubt in my mind that you can do it. That you can handle anything this job throws at you. You already have. You're one of the strongest agents I've seen, one of the bravest men I know."

The other man looked distinctly uncomfortable and deflected with a joke. "Does that mean I get a raise?"

This time Jack rolled his eyes. "You take care of the paperwork, so I'd never know."

Ianto smiled. "Thank you for that. Not the raise, but what you said. I just need…" He trailed off, struggling with his words. Jack sensed this was difficult for Ianto as well, though he'd not held back yet. "I need you to show it more so that I can believe it." Ianto didn't only struggle to believe in Jack, but he struggled to believe in himself, in his own worth, as well—whether it was his work in the field or his relationships. It was certainly something Jack could relate to.

"Done," Jack replied immediately.

"All right," Ianto said. "Thank you. Then if there's nothing else…" He left it open, though Jack wasn't sure if it was to give him an opening or not. Either way, he took it.

"Actually, I thought about some other things. Rooftops are good for that."

"So I gather."

Jack smiled, starting to relax. For the first time all night, he felt like he knew what to do, what to say. And it didn't scare him.

"Personally, I don't want to end this," he said, and Ianto immediately frowned, opening his mouth to protest, but Jack held up a hand and stopped him. "No, please let me finish. I know you think it's all about Gwen, and that I'm not invested in this. But I am. I've done a poor job of showing it, but I am."

"You can say that, but I don't know what to believe when your actions are so different from your words."

"Just because I don't want to lose Gwen as part of this team doesn't mean what you may think it means. I don't want to lose anyone—especially you."

"I'm not leaving Torchwood," Ianto replied, his voice bordering on defiant.

"I don't want to lose you personally," Jack told him. "Ever since we got back, I've been trying figure out what really bothered me about today. Was it the creature? Was it Gwen? I couldn't pinpoint it because I didn't want to think about it. I almost lost you out there, and then I made it worse by continuing to focus on the wrong person. I don't know what I would have done if that gun hadn't jammed."

"Found a new general administrator before the pizza boxes piled up," Ianto replied blandly.

Jack started to grow irritated again. If there was one thing about Ianto Jones that drove him mad, it was his stubborn ability to deflect and his complete inability to believe in himself. For all his strength, for all his bravery, for all his determination and loyalty, Ianto could be just as obstinate, myopic, and inflexible as Gwen. The difference was that Ianto's lack of confidence sabotaged his own life more than others, while Gwen's righteousness hurt those around her.

"You know, for once, I wish you'd believe me," Jack said, barely holding back from stomping his foot on the floor for emphasis. "I'm not the kind of person to say something I don't mean, not when it comes to these kinds of things." He offered a bitter laugh. "Because god knows, these kinds of things are not easy for me. But I don't want to end this, Ianto."

Ianto did not say anything, and Jack finished, hoping he wasn't sticking his foot in it.

"I have a hard time saying no to Gwen, I know that…but I have an even harder time saying yes to you. To this."

Ianto toed the ground, hands in his pockets, then met Jack's eyes.. "If it's so hard saying yes, why did you ask?"

"Because I wanted to," Jack answered honestly and without hesitation. "I wanted something more. I thought about you while I was gone, and I didn't want things to go back to the way they were before I left."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "I don't think it would have, to be honest. Gwen may have been pissed off at you for getting Rhys killed and leaving, but we've had our share of issues too, you know."

Jack cringed, because once again, Ianto was right. There were issues they'd never talked about—things like Jack's trip to 1941 and Ianto opening the Rift. It was a minefield of unexpected hurts and betrayals, and though they had both apologized after Jack had resurrected, so much had been left unsaid, and then Jack had left with the Doctor.

Jack wasn't sure if they needed to talk about that time, though. Jack had had an entire year to think about it, and think about Ianto, and to understand how easily he'd been manipulated by BIlis Manger and why. He'd come to his own surprising conclusions and was still trying to work through them now that he was back. He wanted to move past those hurts, like they had with Lisa, and hoped Ianto did as well.

"I know," Jack admitted. "And maybe we still do—"

"Disappearing for four months without a word," Ianto murmured.

"—but I'd like to work it out, move on. Maybe start over?"

Ianto looked conflicted, confused, and uncertain, and it worried Jack. "Can I ask you a question?" he asked. When Ianto nodded, Jack continued. He was putting himself in a very vulnerable position, and he didn't like it.

"When I asked, why did you say yes?" He'd wondered about it almost every day since the moment the words had slipped from his mouth in the middle of an office block. Because he knew they'd have to work through the hurt and angry feelings between them, and he hadn't actually expected Ianto to say yes—not at first. He'd been anticipating having to apologize a dozen times before earning any forgiveness, let alone any interest. Ianto had surprised him by saying yes.

Of course, it hadn't happened right away. They'd skirted around one another for days. The Rift had kept them busier than usual. They'd talked casually— catching up over a drink in Jack's office, then a drink out, then a quick dinner before the alarms went off again. Never quite talking about themselves or their future, but rather the past: Ianto's growing involvement in the field, Jack's travels with the Doctor.

Jack had always believed that if anyone would accept him back and forgive him, it would be Ianto. He hadn't told Ianto everything about his year away, but enough that the Welshman had offered empathy and support. Ianto was a man who understood doing whatever he had to do, as well as the sacrifices that came with it, because he'd done whatever he had to in order to save his girlfriend, even betraying the team. Jack had done what he'd had to do to save himself from a long and uncertain future, which had been to leave his team behind and seek answers with the Doctor. Ianto understood, though Jack knew it didn't lessen the hurt and anger.

Still, they'd talked enough to fall back into bed together, and that was before their official date. That had happened two weeks later, and it had been so awkward they'd ditched the movie and ended up shagging all night back at Ianto's flat. Because sometimes sex didn't require words and feelings and all the other baggage they carried between them.

Ianto was right in that they hadn't gone on another date since. Quick meals here and there and more shagging, but not a date. Not two people enjoying one another's company outside of work and Weevils. Jack had not followed through, because it scared him. Yes, he had asked Ianto on a date because he wanted to be with Ianto, but at the same time, it was hard for Jack to say yes to such a thing when he could lose it before it even started.

Jack knew he was a shallow flirt with a reputation. He knew how the others saw his relationships, especially with Gwen. He knew he was very much like Ianto in deflecting people away, with arrogance and bravado, jokes and stories. And he knew he could never commit, not completely, because deep down he was scared. He waited patiently for Ianto to answer his question, because why would anyone want to be with someone like him?

"Because I wanted to," Ianto replied, parroting Jack's words back at him. "I thought about you while you were gone. And I missed you." He shook his head with a sad laugh. "But I didn't miss this, the drama. We're supposed to be adults. Why does it always have to be so hard?"

Jack wanted to reply that it didn't need to be so hard, that they could simply be two people who enjoyed being together, but he knew that wasn't true. For them, there would always be challenges. Their relationship was born from conflict and drama and their work mired in it. And in the end, they couldn't erase who they were: mortal and immortal, so similar in many ways, yet from different times, different planets.

"I don't know why," Jack told him. "But I'm willing to work at it if you are."

Ianto studied him for a long time, as if trying to read the truth of it in Jack's face. "Is it worth it?"

"I think so," Jack said. "You?"

"Prove it," Ianto replied, but there was a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Saturday night—you pick a restaurant, I'll plan for after."

"I know exactly where to go," Jack said, letting himself relax. He knew the perfect restaurant for them and would make a reservation first thing in the morning.

"Preferably not a steakhouse," Ianto said. "I have an idea for after dinner. Clothing required, of course."

"Of course. It's a date."

Ianto fidgeted before he looked up. "It'll be different this time?" he asked, and Jack could hear both the fear and longing in his voice. Jack nodded and held out his hand. Ianto looked at it, nodded back, and clasped it tight, letting Jack pull him into an embrace. Jack relaxed as Ianto wrapped his arms around him, his heart jumping in his chest. He had another chance—they had another chance together. It would be better this time. He wanted this no matter how much it terrified him.

Ianto started to pull away, but Jack only let him step back far enough to kiss him. He was so relieved his knees almost gave in as Ianto kissed him back. It was different, though: not a heated kiss, full of anger and need, and not a passionate kiss, full of lust and desire. It was short, it was tender, it was perfect.

Ianto stepped back, straightening his coat and tie before taking his overcoat from a nearby chair. "I should go home," he said. "Again."

"You could stay," Jack suggested, though he knew the answer.

"I could use some time after all that," Ianto replied. He smiled to soften the blow. "Early breakfast tomorrow?"

"I'll be there," Jack said. "Or here. I'll be here."

"Okay. I'll meet you here, then. Good night, Jack."

Jack tried not to sigh, because everything was better, even if Ianto was going home. "Good night."

Ianto held his eyes for a moment, long enough for Jack to truly feel that they had resolved their issues—for now. He looked ready to say something, but inclined his head with another smile and left. Jack watched him go and stood for several moments alone in the Hub, resisting the impulse to touch his fingers to his lips like a lovesick schoolboy.

After several minutes, he retreated to his office and poured himself a drink—18-year single malt Macallan. He sipped slowly as he thought about how the night had turned out. Everyone but Tosh had had a go at him and it had been hard, but in the end, they were right. All of them, even Gwen in her own bull-headed way. He felt even more drained than he had earlier, but he also felt also hopeful and no longer alone. Jack knew what he had to do now, both personally and professionally. He would say no to Gwen, and he would say yes to Ianto. He would be the leader Torchwood needed him to be, and the man he wanted to be for Ianto.

Because it was definitely worth it, and he would prove it.

* * *

Author's Note:

Another thanks to humany-wumany-stuff for the initial idea and the wonderful discussions of it as I worked on this story. And to summerstar, for her unflagging support. And to playarecord and thatlastdanceofchances for some great discussions of Ianto Jones and his flaws on Tumblr, which made it into this story even though that was not my intention! (Seriously, the Torchwood fandom on Tumblr is great, come join us!) I hope you, dear readers, enjoyed the resolution of this story, even if it was more quiet and calm than perhaps expected. I thought about calling it 'Starting Over' since that is sort of how it ends, but when I came across the quotation from Pythagoras, I had to go with 'Two Words.' Because to me that's what it boiled down to for Jack, those two words, a yes and a no. Hopefully he's got it figured out now. Thank you for reading!


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